From Elaine's CaringBridge Site
Journal entry by Laura Roberts — 2/22/2016
I felt like I needed to put one last entry into CaringBridge. It's been two weeks since Elaine went to be with Jesus and her dad in heaven. As you can imagine it is very difficult for me to be left here without her. I never imagined when we started this journey against cancer that it would end with any other outcome other than Elaine going into remission. I just could not believe that my only child would be taken at such a young age. I can't imagine that anything will be as happy as it was when she was here and I can't imagine that anything will be as sad as having to watch my baby battle cancer and pass on to heaven. She was a joy and I will miss her every day of the earthly life that I have left.
When we started this journey I knew good would come out of it. The Bible says in Genesis 50 verse 20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives". I just expected that Elaine would be healed on earth and could speak of God's faithfulness to her during her battle against cancer. I could not see good coming out of this any other way. But God is God and I am not. During Elaine's funeral service there were 15 people that got saved that day. I've heard the number 15 and I've heard the number 25. I'm going with the smaller number but God knows the exact number. Hands kept going up and going up and most of the people I am told by Pastor Matt were adults. Isn't that wonderful that 15 people (at least) were saved at Elaine's funeral service? It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! And I'm sure that is just the beginning of the good that God will bring from this that was meant to destroy.
I went to the beach last week to get away for a few days and try to put a plan together for what comes next for me. While there I wrote down all the blessings I could think of that had come out of this nightmare. I'm up to 15 items but I keep adding as I things come into my mind. And that is 15 categories of things. As awful as all of this was God was faithful and put people in our lives to love us and truly be the hands and feet of Jesus for us. It is unfathomable to me the number of people that have prayed for us, done for us, loved on us and done something or many things to help us in the last 9 months. We have wanted and needed for nothing. I can never say enough thank yous. I said to my therapist that there is no way that I have sowed all the goodness that I have reaped over the last nine months of Elaine's illness and continue to reap. I'm just not that good but God is that good. I've found His promises to be truthful not that He needs me to confirm them but His words that I have read were very real and true for me. He has carried me and sustained me Himself and through the countless number of people that have done for us. The number of people that have been praying for Elaine and our family is staggering in itself. I have truly felt those prayers are what has sustained me. it doesn't make sense to me that I can even get out of bed each morning. I'd rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head and have the nervous breakdown I feel that I have earned. But I get up and try to mark things off my to do list each day and it can only be from people praying for me and God answering those prayers.
Throughout the last nine months I have read and studied God's word and written about what God has spoken to me. I have felt God speak directly to me through some of the devotionals I have read. There was none more direct than this God wink that I got on February 9th, the day before Elaine's funeral. I have different devotionals around my house. Most are Joyce Meyer devotionals or Joel Osteen. On February 9th I picked up one of the Joyce Meyer devotionals to read what was written for February 6th the day that Elaine went to heaven and the scripture used in that devotional for February 6th was Romans 12:12 the scripture that I have clung to from the time that Elaine was diagnosed. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G that God would do that just for me knowing that I needed that wink from Him.
We've started a foundation named Elaine Roberts Foundation. The purpose of this foundation is to educate people about pediatric cancer and to raise money and help fund pediatric cancer research specifically for the cure of Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. When I talked with Elaine about starting this foundation I told her that the tagline would be "Rid the World of Rhabdo" and Elaine added "and all childhood cancers" because that is who she was; a precious soul who thought more of others than herself. Even with cancer she wanted to help not just herself but others too. The web address for the Elaine Roberts Foundation is www.elainerobertsfoundation.org. There is also a FaceBook page at Facebook.com/ElaineRobertsFoundation that you can like if you would like to see posts about what the foundation is doing and posts about Childhood Cancer. If you would like to make a donation to help our cause they can be made at any Wells Fargo Bank. We will be planning events to raise money for the foundation throughout the year but especially in September which is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I pray God does mighty things through this foundation for many, many years.
If you are wondering about Elaine's dogs they are adjusting. All three are learning to tolerate each other. They are all here to stay. I couldn't part with any of them. Elaine loved them all so much. Lucy and Teddy are getting along better and Pretzell is the peacemaker between them when they get out of hand taking control and getting them back in line. Pretzell is the saddest of the dogs as Elaine was his person. Elaine would always say that Pretzell was the best of the dogs. He is a very good dog.
Thank you to everyone who kept up with us on CaringBridge. Thank you for the prayers and for continuing to pray for us as we go through this next year learning how to do holidays, birthdays and everyday life without Elaine. I would ask that you specifically pray for Bruce and Sue Roberts who have not only lost their only son but their only grandchild. It isn't fair for any of us but it truly is not fair for them.
I'm grateful to have been Elaine's mother. I have thanked God over and over again from the day that little premie surprised us on the 4th of July for allowing me to be Elaine's mother. She was beautiful inside and out and simply a joy to have for a daughter. I can't wait to be with her in heaven.
I pray that God will bless each person reading this abundantly.